Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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