Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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