You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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