His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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