took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
