I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I party with great urgency now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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