Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
