I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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