on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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