so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
