I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
