I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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