all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
