3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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