my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
