I accidentally had phone sex last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
