I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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