Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
