so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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