Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
