quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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