My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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