Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In the future we'll all be gay
wakey wakey hands off snakey
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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