He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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