First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
