Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
