He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
