Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
