dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
