all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
