I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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