i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
