You can't motorboat a personality
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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