I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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