I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
