I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Barsexuality is the new black.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
