wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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