what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
