Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
