peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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