non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
