She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
