The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize