and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
