Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
