is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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