what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My life is pants optional.
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