This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
