god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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