dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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