this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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