Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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