just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
