Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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