you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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