i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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